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I feel so terrible right now. I cannot wait till this baby is out of me. I am tired of being sick and I am tired of being tired. Never again. Never again. Ugh. I have such a headache. Well…tomorrow my "family" and I are boarding the plane to Hiro…hiro something whatever…place in Japan!  Whatever! Next question!

Why? Why couldn't we just get this stupid ceremony over with here instead of flying across the sea! And there is going to be so many people there too…god. Not just in Japan, at the ceremony. We have so many people coming. I would have liked just us and the kids but no. Karasu wants everybody there. On my side my brother, Ciro, and his family are flying with us. The only other extra person I am taking is Emmy, who has become my nurse-at-home or whatever they call it. She has been helping me around the house while I carry Nash. Thankfully not as overbearing as Karasu. Uh, but that's it. That is all I have coming to the wedding.

Karasu has his sister and his brother coming. I heard that his sister has to drag his brother there. I don't know why, nor do I care. He has some friends from work. And by some I mean all. Then his daughter's friends are coming. Sae and Pae, Akira…uh Kelly-Jo…that's all I can remember. The reason why I remember those friends is because of Katsu. She would not stop talking about them. According to her, Akira is her boyfriend; Sae and Pae are her best friends from Japan whose parents run a "Dark Circus", whatever that is. And Kelly-Jo was someone she met here. I guess a friend from elementary school or something. Don't know, don't care.

I just want this all to be over with. I want this kid to be out of my stomach. I miss being able to hunt. As soon as I give birth and have healed I am going out and trapping at least 5 men. I am looking forward to it. I'll do it just like I use to. Stalk them. Find out everything about him, wait till he leaves his house, break into it in the dead of night and wait for him. Wait as long as I have to till he comes home then…knock him out.

Then I'd strap him to a table, wait till he wakes up and listen to him scream and beg for freedom and help. I miss the sounds of panicked screaming. Then I'd take my favorite knife and drag it across their writs…and watch there glorious warm blood pool out into a bucket. Oh…that drum beat…that steady drum beat. I miss the sound. I miss sitting there under the table and catching the blood in my hands.  The blood splashing on my hands, dripping down the cracks of my fingers…oh…I am getting so hungry.

I just…have to get this kid out so I can go out. I wonder if Emmy will let me go hunting with her. I have never seen how Emmy gets her meals nor have I ever asked her. I wonder if she hunts the same way I do. I wonder if she loves the smell of a dead body like I do. I think I will ask her. Gives us more to talk about. Speaking of things to talk about with her…I have to tell her to stop swimming naked in our pool. Break and Karasu are peeping at her.